There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
