Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
