I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
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