She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm too high and old for this...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
