So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
