i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
