i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
