I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
