Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
