I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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