The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
