Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
