UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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