Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize