i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
