i will never coherently bang her
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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