yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
