and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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