Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
