He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize