i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
