no, he came in my armpit
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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