I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
How external is "for external use only"?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
