is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
