it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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