i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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