i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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