dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
There's even glitter on my cock...
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