i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
