R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize