just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
