2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
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