I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
