At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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