Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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