college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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