Well douche your snatch and let's go!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Success! We fucked roommates!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
