there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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