I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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