and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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