You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
