i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
