Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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