Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
