I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
