is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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