Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
