mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
