so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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