i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize