if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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