hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
