i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
