i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
