and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
