shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
