I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
