Plan B is the new Plan A
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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