I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
