I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
