I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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