1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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