dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
