does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
