I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
