I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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