I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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