I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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