I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
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