I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
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