the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
