jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
