I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
