Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
two words: eviction party
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
