Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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