you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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