you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
