tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
