careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
