he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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