I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
