Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
