I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
