am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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