Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Randomize