I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
