Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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