May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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