at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Mom said you looked used
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
