my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
