Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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