I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize