I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
