I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
