maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
