my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
