i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
It was confusing and full of hummus
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
