saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
