I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
