Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
